When I look back on those years I see a lot of different faces. When I take the time to look at my class yearbooks and see those faces staring back at me I wonder what happened to all those dreams. Did some of those dreams come true? Did they get all they hoped for and more? Did some give it their best shot and found their best shot wasn’t good enough? How many left and came back? How many left and got lost along the way? How many are gone from us forever whether it was from illness, tragedy, or just from the daily trials that come to each and every one of us?
When I graduated I moved out. Then I moved back in. Then I moved out again. This seemed to repeat itself a time or two. I had no idea what to do with my life. I had dreams but not the means to make them come true. I eventually ended up working a few different jobs but I ended up in radio. It was not something I planned on or dreamed about or even intended on continuing but I liked it and I seemed to be pretty good at it. So until I figured out my life I decided to just continue working part-time at that little hometown radio station.
I think there were only a handful of girlfriends from high school that I hung around with in those days after graduation. We spent some time doing the usual things that kids in the late 70’s did but eventually marriages, jobs and other obligations seemed to get in the way of face to face time and we started drifting apart. I ended up getting a full time job in Sturgis and moved out of town. Not far but far enough. Eventually I ended up married, divorced and then I packed up my 5 year old son and U-haul trailer and headed south to Baton Rouge. I had no idea what life held in store for me but considering the situation I was leaving behind it didn’t really matter. Anything had to be better. Over the years there were several more moves and several more jobs. I had turned into a radio gypsy, moving on and up chasing that “number 1 market job”.
With each move it seemed that those ties to home just unraveled more and more. Even the threads to my closest friends seemed to get weaker and weaker until they just fell apart from neglect. When I did go home to visit family I would try to make time to visit one or two friends but eventually even that stopped. I did make it to our 10th class reunion and it was kind of odd. I didn’t feel like I knew these people at all. I had moved on in my life and it felt like some of them hadn’t. It felt as if they were still 17 and 18 years old and still had no idea what to do with their lives. I went back home to Little Rock thankful that I had left that small town and had made a life for myself. I had a great job in radio. I was doing some TV. I was meeting lots of country stars and getting to interview them one on one. But in reality my personal life was no better than those back in my home town. I was struggling with another bad marriage and getting involved with people I should not have been getting involved with.
Eventually it all became too much and I left that marriage with pretty much the same things I went into it with. A kitchen table and a, now, 9 year old son. It wasn’t long before I moved to Houston. Now this was big time! A major market radio station. Things would be perfect here. I had reached the top! I am not really sure what I expected to find but whatever it was I as looking for wasn’t to be found there. And major market radio wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. I was doing evenings and we were doing some TV but I was so lonely. I had a best friend that moved with me to Houston from Little Rock and we had some great times but I was lonely for home, family and something that I just couldn’t name.
Two years later the station was sold to our cross town competition and I had been offered a job in Cincinnati as an Assistant Program Director and Evening Air Talent. With very little hesitation I took the job. Cincinnati was so much closer to home without being home. I could drive home on the weekends and my family could drive down to see me. It sounded ideal. It didn’t take long to find out that wasn’t the way it was going to be. I was working from 10am until 1am. I was never home. My friend from Little Rock that had moved with me to Houston had also moved with me to Cincinnati. She was really my saving grace. Since I was never home at least somebody I trusted was watching my son. I lived there for nearly two years and I don’t think I made it back to Michigan once. I was always working weekends. My folks came down to see me a time or two but it wasn’t like I had hoped. Eventually I just refused to work so many hours. I needed so spend some time with my son. So of course I was fired. I was never more relieved in my life when I got that news. I hated the job and had felt like an outsider from the time I walked in those doors until the time I walked out. I walked away with no regrets and only one friend. Funny that she was from the south too.
I thought about moving back to Michigan but here just wasn’t any jobs available. I ended up doing data entry for a trucking firm for a few months until I could find something else. I turned down some radio jobs that involved management positions because I didn’t want to end up in the same boat as I was before. My son was now 13 years. I refused to take a job that involved me working nights. I needed to be home with him. And that was how I ended up in Macon Georgia. I loved the people, I loved the south, I loved my new boss. It was a perfect fit. I felt home.
I think when you hit your late 30’s and early 40’s you start evaluating your life. You start to realize the important things that really matter. The regrets start to creep in and begin to nibble at you and you start asking “what if?” I started feeling that way during this time. I felt guilty that I moved my son away from all our close family. I am so thankful that every summer he went back home and spent those few months on the farm with his grandparents. He was able to spend time with his cousins and to this day they remain close. When I moved to Macon I told him that I would not move again until he graduated high school. I realized that close friendships were important. It was something that I didn’t have in my own life. I had never opened up myself enough to let others in and the older I got the more I realized how much I missed by keeping that door closed.
When it was time for our 25th class reunion I was ready. I was going to go with an open mind and reconnect with all my classmates but after 25 years what do you say? I seemed not much had changed. It seemed there were still those typical high school groups. The Jocks, The Cheerleaders, The Pretty People, etc., they all stuck together. There were some quick hellos, some awkward conversations and then it was back to the table of familiar faces. It seemed it was too late. Too many years had gone by and we all still looked at each other as if we were the same kids we were in high school. I went back home with some great pictures of people I hardly spoke to.
A few years ago I discovered Facebook. I had a Myspace page but it was more for work than anything else. I decided to open up a Facebook account since so many of my family members were on it. About a year later a funny thing happened. I started seeing some old classmates popping up. At first when I saw them my thoughts were “if we weren’t friends in high school why should I add them now?” but then I thought why not? It was a slow process. For while I felt like I was just looking through a window. Observing their lives one status update a time. Every now and then checking out some photo’s they posted and taking a peek at their husbands, wives, children and grandchildren. Eventually there were comments left and comments made and suddenly they had become a part of my life. After 30 years friendships were being made without the drama of the high school backdrop. We found we could look at each other as people who have grown and matured, who have suffered with divorce, illness, sadness, happiness, death, births and just the every day ins and outs of living life. These women are strong and beautiful! They were filled with experience and knowledge and I wanted to meet each of them again.
I knew that I would be going home this month. A couple of the girls asked at different times if we could get together . Since my time was going to be limited I suggested maybe we should have a “girls night out” get together. I really only expected a few to come since there had just been a big “50th Birthday Bash” for all the classmates the month before but in the end there was 16 or 18 of us that showed up at Frankie’s that night. And one guy who had the privilege of being our mascot. I think it was an eye opening experience for him! There was a lot of girl talk and a lot of laughter and it’s funny but I didn’t hear a lot of reminiscing. There was talk about the here and now and I loved that. The angst of high school was gone. There was unconditional support and concern for those that were dealing with some tough issues in their lives and it seemed genuine and heartfelt. We moved on from the restaurant to a pub and some husbands joined the group. There was dancing and some toasts to old friends and more laughter and I think everyone had a great time.
I drank way too much and probably talked way to much but I don‘t think it matters. It was the perfect way to end a day that had brought heartache into my life (but that’s another story!) and was a great reminder that there is more to life than my own little world and the pain that one suffers is only one raindrop compared to the deluge that others have endured. I am thrilled that each of these women chose to join us that Friday night. I just wish I could have spent more one on one time with them. I hope that we can do it again and it will continue to grow. I am sure that there are still some from the class of ‘78 that still hold the old mentality of who does and does not belong in their circle of friends and that’s really sad. They are limiting their treasures. I feel so much richer by having spent those few hours with these wonderful ladies and by the friendships that are growing online.
So take a chance. Break down the old barriers and reach out to your past. Just don’t live in it . There is nothing there anymore. All that matters is the here and now and what can be found if you just take a minute or two step outside your walls and embrace what is waiting there for you.