It’s funny sometimes how God will put something in your life at just the right time. I am reading a book by Sue Monk Kidd called “When The Heart Waits” . It’s about finding yourself at the point in your life when you realize that you aren’t the same person you used to be. You realize that you are of an age where the things that once made you happy don’t bring the same joy as they once did.  Possibly the people you once spent time with no longer bring the laughter you once thought would never end.  This is where I am at in my life.  It’s feels like dangerous territory and one wrong move could send me over the edge.  The book is actually 20 years old. 20 years old! Ancient in terms of “self help” books. But it came to me at the right time. 20 years ago it would have been meaningless to me.

I found it while I was house sitting. I picked it up and I liked the title. But the book looked a little dated and the pages were starting to yellow.  I looked at the publication date and saw that it was written in 1990. So even before I began reading my mind traveled back to where I was in 1990. I had just left my marriage and moved to Houston, Texas to take a job at a country radio station. It was an exciting and frightening time since I was taking on new challenges.  My son was 9 years old and I was 30 years old.  After looking at the date I texted a friend.

“It’s kind of shocking to pick up a book and see that it was written in 1990 and then realize that was 20 years ago!! Where has the time gone? That was when I got divorced, Josh was only 9 years old! I have wasted so much time on things and people I should not have. I regret that I let some good years go by spent in bad relationships. I feel like I wasted me!”

Yes. I am a long texter. And when I am in deep thought they get even longer.

My  Friend texted back:

“I feel like I have wasted years too. Don’t mean this as a cliche, but all things work together for good…God is/will use what we consider ‘wasted’ for good and for his glory. There are many do’s and don’ts you can now share with others”

My response was;

” I understand that I can mentor others and know that God has a plan but I have been ‘alone’ for so long even when I was with someone. It seems like I have been waiting for SOMETHING for such a long time. I want to share my life with someone who feels that I have worth. I think that’s where I have felt ‘wasted” knowing I have so much to offer and not having someone to give it to. Or having someone who didn’t appreciate the good that I had to give!”

All this introspection even before I read the first word or even the back cover! So imagine my surprise when I started reading and found out the book was about navigating the times in your life when you feel your life has lost meaning and you just aren’t sure what you should do about it. Sue Monk Kidd went through the same thing so many other men and women go through.  A mid-life crisis. When you question your worth as a spouse, a parent or a person. You start with the “What If” questions. What if I had taken that other job. What if I had married that other person. What if, What if, What if.  You look back and wonder if you have made an impact at all. I have spent the last year or so asking those questions of myself. What kind of impact have I made? What has been my purpose?  You are staring 50 in the eyes and it’s looking back at you.. and behind you. Down that long road you have been on and there isn’t much to show for it.

I think we all choose to handle this moment in our lives differently. We have all seen the 50 year old male with his 25 year old girlfriend and sporty little car. Many women start injecting themselves with fillers and  botox and buying fancy clothes. Now there are almost as many women chasing younger men, trying to hold onto their youth the best way they know how.  But it isn’t possessions that fill that hole in our lives. It is something much greater then that. It’s learning who we are and what we are capable of becoming. And “becoming” takes time.

We need to slow down, or even stop, and let God begin.  Waiting. Who has time for that anymore? This is a world of instantaneous gratification. We don’t wait for anything and we feel we shouldn’t have to. We feel we deserve to have everything we want when we want it. But that’s not the way nature works . Who is nature but God? For true change to happen it takes time. It takes 9 months for a child to be born, it seems like endless waiting. From the time a seed takes root until it becomes a beautiful flower, takes time. Everything good and pure takes time. I have always loved the line in scripture “be still and know that I am God”.  It means stopping and acknowledging the Almighty. To let His work begin in you.

How often do we pray for Gods will in our lives and when we feel he hasn’t answered us fast enough we strike out on our own?  I am guilty of this just as so many men and women in the Bible were guilty of the same thing. We think that God needs a little help. A nudge to get the ball rolling. But he doesn’t need our help. He just needs us to be the host for the seed and he will do the rest.

Sue Monk Kidd encourages waiting. For as long as it takes. While we wait we must sort out who we are. Get rid of the old things that held us back. That takes some serious soul searching and when you start digging in those deep dark places you are likely to find some things you would rather have left undiscovered. I think that getting those things out in the open, and really examining them is a good way to move that junk out of the way, so that you have more room for the good. One of the lines I liked in the book was “….the soul is more than something to win or save. It’s the seat and repository of the Inner Devine, the God-image, the truest part of us.” When we have cleaned out the old we have opened a clearer path for God to make his way into the Inner Devine.

It reminds me of my 17 month old grandbaby. One of his favorite things is going to the bookcase 

Separating the wheat from the chaff.

 and looking at all the dvd’s on the bottom shelf. He will take each one out individually and carefully examine it. He looks at the front and then the back as if examining them for their worth. Then when he is done he tosses it over his shoulder into what becomes a rather large pile. This is what we need to do with the clutter in our own soul.

When I was in my 20’s what I wanted from my life was the Happily Ever After that most girls want. It doesn’t take long to figure out that happily every after is just a fairy tale. The reason relationships fail at this stage is that we depend on someone else to provide those happily ever afters for us and if you rely on someone else to make your life what you want it to be, you will only see unhappiness. When I reached 40 it became all about me. I will make things happen. I will not depend on anyone else. I can do it all myself. For a while that worked but the closer I got to 50 I realized that I no longer wanted it to be all about me but I just didn’t know what I DID want.

You spend your whole life living for others, being the good girl who does what she is told to do or in some cases the complete opposite, rebelling against everything. This morning I was back to texting.

“from the book…’When we give ourselves completely over to the idea and images of parents, husbands, wife, church, social organizations, friends or, ‘prominent’ persons, and silence our own voice of soul in the process, we allow others to create our sense of who we are rather than growing our own identity within ourselves.” Very true. So many people, especially women, suffocate their inner thoughts and desires in order to be more pleasing and desirable to others. I think even more so today with the media telling us what we need to be rather than allowing what and who we are to really shine through.”

How much of your time in life was spent trying to be what others wanted you to be? I know that I have tried to be what others wanted of me. I am not sure how successful I ever was but I know that even just trying to live that way made me cranky and probably unpleasant to be around. But never to the point where I could just abandon the trying, which is too bad, for I probably would have been a better person for it.

“…I am realizing that it’s not the parts of my life that I feel were wasted it’s more about opportunities that were lost or never utilized.  I think the greatest sadness for me isn’t that I didn’t have a great love in my life but that I didn’t have a true companion to share life’s journey with. I think that is the true ache of the lonliness I have now. The lack of intimacy in my life. Not being able to share the deepest soul stirring emotions with someone. I know I have kept that part of me locked up, not trusting anyone enough to share that fragile, breakable part of me. Not feeling strong enough in myself to let words and feelings flow freely from my lips for fear of being struck down with words and actions. How freeing it must be to be able to speak whatever is on ones heart!”

My friend answered back with;

“…it’s very difficult to find someone that fits that description and you don’t know if they fit that description until you test the waters by becoming vulnerable by expressing your thoughts and desires. But it’s difficult to reach that level of trust because trust grows in the soil of vulnerability nurtured by acceptance. “

So here I am. Waiting. I am going to let God work in me and see where it goes. I will try not to be impatient. I won’t open the cocoon before it’s time. I won’t try to push God into the drive-thru lane. I will be still and know that he is God and remember, good things come to those that wait. Yes I am almost 50. I am single and I can share the do’s and don’ts of life. But I know that most times the reciever of that knowledge won’t listen to a word I say. Just as I wouldn’t have 20 years ago.

Today I want to talk about listening to your Mother. Or Father. Or the person in your life who has a little more time on this earth and, believe it or not, has been through what you are going through.

This all started a few weeks ago. Well, really it started nearly 29 years ago when my son was born. But for the sake of brevity we’ll only go back a couple of weeks. OK, strike that, lets go back to November when my son and his wife moved out of my house. They had been staying here temporarily to save money for their first home. When they moved in they brought their two labs. Not a problem for me but the dogs didn’t like it much since the were relegated to the outdoors.

Now these dogs had been raised in an apartment. Being outdoors was a new and not so exciting experience. The female adapted pretty quickly. The male, well you know how hogs when they escape from their pen into the wild revert to their wild boar ways? That’s pretty much what happened to Blaze. Suddenly he was escaping under the fence, then over. Eventually an electric fence had to be erected. That and the barking were driving everyone crazy. So bark collars had to be purchased. She chewed his off and he, being a male, decided he preferred her quiet and was quite content to leave hers intact.

When my son told me they had found a house it was with mixed feelings. I loved their company and I loved having my Grandson with me every day. But I knew they needed to spread their wings and get out on their own without “Mom” interfering. Of course I had to see the house.

It is an adorable little house. With a small yard and a privacy fence. The fence seemed to have a lot of space between it and the ground. So I said “it sure is nice to have fence but do you think the dogs will stay put?” I was told “Sure they will. The can’t see out so and they have lots more room to run so I am sure they will stay put.” “You know, your neighbors are really close, I don’t think they are going to appreciate all that barking. You might need to buy another bark collar”” Noooo. They can’t see out of the fence and if they can’t see anything why would they bark?” I laughed and said “Riiiiiight”.

So the move was made and a few days later Blaze had already dug up and under all 4 sides of the fence. Quite frequently you could look out the back door and see one dog and look out the front and see the other. She seemed to be pretty content to let him wonder and she would stay in the back yard and wait for her man…er…mate to return.

Again I said, “You know, you have the electric fence back at my house why don’t you put it up so you can eliminate his wondering and the headaches?” “Oh..he always comes back and I don’t want to string an outdoor extension cord across the yard.” I shrug my shoulders again and say “Ok. It’s your dog”.

Now we get to a few weeks ago. Apparently the female, Finley, decides she is going to follow her mate and see just what it is that he finds so enticing. He comes home a few hours later and she never shows up. A search is done, calls are made but she is nowhere to be found. My daughter in law calls the pound to see if anybody brought her in and leaves the information. The next day she gets a call from a very nice gentleman that tells her he has their dog. They called the pound to see if anyone had reported a missing dog, got the information and called the kids. Finley, not being used to gallivanting around the neighborhood had no idea which house was hers. So she started digging under fences until she found one she liked. This house had a nice German Shepherd so she decided to hang with him. (Let this be a lesson guys, you go out to often and leave the lady at home she just might find someone else to take your place!) Not only did she have a nice German Shepherd to snuggle with, she got a bath and lots of loving from the family that found her.

So my son decides that maybe it he just might need that electric fence after all. And probably those kennels under my house to keep the dogs in until he can get the fence up.

As you know the East recently underwent record cold temperatures. We didn’t have snow but we had rain and sleet and 20 degree temperatures.

I am sitting in my house and I hear a roar. It sounds like a truck in my yard. I dash out the front door in time to see my son backing his Ford F-150 down the side of the house into the backyard. My house sits on a small hill so he has to go down that small incline. I wave my arms and holler at him to stop but it was too late. He was half way down. He roll his window down and asks me what the problem is and I tell him “It is not a good idea to go down there. It is a mud pit and you will get stuck.!” He tells me “Well I am already this far, I’ll be fine”. Mm Hmm. Famous last words.

You know the rest.

He can’t get back up the hill. The tires just spin. So he backs up even farther and I say to myself “Well that’s that. He is never going to get out now!” And sure enough his tires sink even further into the muck. Did I tell you it’s 10:00 at night? And 20 degrees?

So we start putting plywood under the tires, rocks, whatever we can find to get some traction and nothing helps. He did set the wood to smoking with the friction. If he would have done it longer we could have had a nice bonfire going to keep us from freezing our butts off. After an hour of useless labor he finally threw in the towel and went inside to warm up.

It was time to call in reinforcements. So he starts calling friends. You know how friends are. They are always ready for a good time. “Want to go to a game?”” Sure! Want to head to bar?”” Sure!”” Want to help me move?” “Sur…uh…did you say move? Gee…well…let me check my calendar.” “Can you come pull my truck out of the mud?” “ Hey bud, do you know what time it is? How did you get stuck anyway? Are you sure you can’t get it out? It’s 20 degrees out, can’t it wait until morning? You know I had a few beers a little while ago, maybe you better find someone else to help you.” Uh huh.

So while he is trying to convince his friend to help him I jump on Facebook and put the word out that help is needed. 20 minutes later I hear the roar of engines again and look out the front door to see 3 four-wheelers pulling in the yard. My neighbors from the down the street have come to check out the situation after hearing of our plight via Facebook. I love Facebook.

There is nothing better than watching 3 men ,plus a 9 year old who tagged along , assess a problem and the best way to fix it. Well they try pulling it from the front and it’s a no go. They scratch their heads and talk back and forth and debate a bit more and try again but it just ain’t happenin’! So they switch tactics and try from the rear and we start to see some movement. Slowly the truck begins to move and once the four-wheeler gets out of the mud he digs in and the truck is up and out and back in the driveway. Finally after 2 and ½ hours of standing in below freezing temperatures the truck is free and I can finally say what I have wanted to say from the moment he got stuck.

“You should have listened to your Mother!”

Technorati Tags: dogs, Mother, mud, sons, trucks