Forgiveness. Sure we know what it is, we know that when we petition God our sins are forgiven. Many of us count on that forgiveness when we head out of the house Saturday night! We expect those that love us to forgive our little transgressions, our occasional lapses of judgement, our angry words, our little white lies. But when it comes to forgiving others some of us have a difficult time.

Why do we expect forgiveness and then are so stingy when it comes to handing out those pardons ourselves? Why do we think we are so special that the mere fact that somebody hurt us, real or imagined, is beyond the realm of believability?

I know that I have been on both the needing of and the granting of forgiveness. And as much as I swear “I will never forgive” I always do. Time and Time again. I have been called a dreamer, an idiot, blind to the facts of life, a doormat and a fool but I have decided I don’t need to apologize anymore for believing in the healing power of forgivness and power it has to transform a life.

I have discovered that it is much easier to live life without the anger that seethes in your heart when you feel you have been wronged.  I have seen the bitterness, the deep seated torment that oozes out of people who can’t forgive. It eats them alive and they constantly relive their hurt over and over again. Why? When you learn that fire burns you don’t keep putting in your hands in it do you? Do you constantly cut yourself with sharp objects? This is what the unforgiving person does every day. That memory comes up and suddenly they are reliving the moment again. They plot their revenge, they practice their words in their head, planning the perfect off the cuff remark meant to cut and hurt the other person. I don’t know about you but 99% of the time those moments you have been dreaming of never materialize. Unless you are seriously unstable, you don’t stand outside their house with a can of gasoline and book of matches waiting for them to appear.

I bring all this up because once again I have been put into the situation when I needed to make a choice. Do I forgive? Or do I open my heart up to this person and love them with the love of God, who sees this person as a flawed child in need of compassion and direction. Well, if I listened to those around me I would have written this person off as a lost cause, not worth my time. I should make a list of the terrible things this person has done, write them on my bathroom mirror and recite them back to myself every time I felt myself weakening.  Thank goodness listened to my heart and the voice of my God not the voice of my friends and family.

I certainly understand their concern. This person put me in a terrible situation. It could have turned out very bad. And believe me I was angry. Very angry. Very, Very, Very Angry! For 6 months I had no contact and when I talked to people I would rehash the hurt and my righteous anger.  But then there this person was in my life again and I realized they needed me. Not to support them or for them to lean on me, or even to forgive them. I don’t really think this person expected me to forgive and wouldn’t have blamed me if I hadn’t. But I knew I needed to love them. To show them the love of God through me. 

It didn’t take weeks for the anger to leave me. It took one face to face visit. I told this person how they caused me pain, how angry I was, how disappointed I was in them for putting me in a bad situation. But the more I talked the more the anger dissipated. I was left with sorrow and then compassion and finally peace.

I want to say it hasn’t been easy, that I am still angry at times. But that wouldn’t be the truth. The truth is I allowed the love of God to pass through me and as that loved passed through it took the bitterness and anger with it and left only a real desire to understand, encourage and stand by this person.

It’s hard to explain to others who ask me how I do it. How can you so easily forget? Well I haven’t forgotten. But I do believe we have choices in our lives and everyday we choose how we want to live, in anger and bitterness or with the peace that passeth understanding. I don’t know about you but there is so much in my life that I don’t have a choice about why complicate it even further but choosing to add more heartache?  I would much rather move on and  embrace what little happiness there is in life than to wallow in the trenches moaning “why me”.  With prayer and firm grip on God’s hand it’s just a matter of saying “I forgive you” and allowing God to do the rest.

Technorati Tags: forgiveness, friendship, God, mercy

Tags: forgiveness, friendship, God, mercy